I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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