i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
