You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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