fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
