pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
