yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
