I think I died a long time ago.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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