there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
