I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize