omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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