How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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