girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
