evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
