Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
