I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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