It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
