don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
