I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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