i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
