I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you traded sex for a burrito?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
