you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
