btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
cat food counts as protein by the way
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
