drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
