wrigley field is MILF paradise
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
