I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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