I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
