I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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