i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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