The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
