I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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