so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
