What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
