I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
