drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
