I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
