i love accidental penises.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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