i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
