Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
