dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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