she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he thought i was a dude.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
