How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
