yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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