how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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