I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
