Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
