You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
