Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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