omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
no, he came in my armpit
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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