Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
