The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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