I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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