What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize