i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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