i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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