went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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