just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
