By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
