What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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