Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize