i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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