I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
