Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize