We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
