he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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