Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize