If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
