If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
