TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize