I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
