thus making me awesome and them whores
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
