Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
