If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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