tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize